So when I was supposed to post this over Thanksgiving Break, I didn't have access to wireless internet, so I'm just posting what I wrote then now.
When first thinking about how I was going to revise the rough draft of my unit 3 project essay, I knew I needed to take some things out. The rough draft of my essay came out around 1,200 words and the desired length was only a thousand words. In the rough draft, I just wrote straight through without worrying about length, so one of the things I had to keep in mind in editing was to shorten the paper. As well, initial thoughts also dealt with comments my group members had written after reading my essay. These comments mostly involved just shortening certain parts to help make my points/ideas more concise or clearer. To help with this, I needed to be sure to look at my sentences and make sure I wasn’t being too vague or including a bunch of extra words that may not have been necessary for the sentence. Also, after reading through the paper, I need to get rid of a few sentences that were either repetitive or simply didn’t add anything to the paragraph or my point. As far as content, I feel I successfully explain to my audience what I want to study and the information that already exists, as well as how my proposed study would benefit others. The organization of the proposal seems to fit as I start out discussing my project and what specifically I want to study. Then I spend two paragraphs on explaining the research that already exists and other background information and two on how I would carry out my proposed study. In the end, I feel like I describe well what the data would provide and how in-turn it would be used to design an awareness program on the issue of stigma around physiological disorders. With the good feedback I received, the biggest issue I face is simply reducing the length of the proposal and making sure I am getting my point across without any unnecessary additions.
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